Lord, Let me Bring About Your Kingdom

Lord, Let me Bring About Your Kingdom

My Lord God and my King, my life, my breath, my being, I crawl to you this early morning for the warmth of your embrace. Wake not only my body but my mind and my spirit to Your wonderful ways. Let Your mysteries humble me and Your love sustain me.

As I practice the call of love, let your Holy Spirit be my guide. Fill me with wisdom to act always in accordance with Your will. Send me strength to perform selfless acts of love, humility to see all as better than myself, and grace to endure suffering and trial of all kinds.

I long to be Your good servant. Guide all of my thoughts in meditation, all of my words in writing, all of my movements in exercise to be for Your greater honor and glory alone.

May You bless my love with my husband, my play with my children, my work at home, and my interactions with others.

May you bless our family with happiness and contentment and accept our gratitude for the miracle of life.

You are All in All. In You I live and move and have my being. Take away my worry and remind me of Your providence. Present me with countless opportunity to bring about your kingdom and every grace needed to answer your call.

Amen.

pride and screaming

I stand in the hallway

screaming from my roots –

one long screech from the four corners of my feet, from my pelvic floor, from the tips of my fingers.

 

My two-month-old sleeps

in her bouncey chair not five feet from where I stand.

My 23-month-old kicks and scream-cries behind her closed door on my right.

My 6-year-old plays in his room on my left.

And my husband leaves work

to drive to the city where he stands at his mother’s hospital bed.

 

There is nothing pretty here.

My breasts leak milk

and my post-partum belly hangs

deflated over my waistband.

I call my mom;

I pack diapers, wipes,

bottles, formula,

breast pump, nursing pads,

clothes, toys, a sippy cup,

and buckle the kids in their seats.

 

We drive two hours north east

and meet my parents at my sister’s house

where everyone takes care of my babies

and I sleep.

 

Screaming cracks the bricks of  my independent facade

and I ask for help.

 

Help is beautiful.