I Say a Small Yes

after James Crews mini poetry retreat

I say a small yes

to writing

to myself as a young woman with passion raging
to myself as a teenager, growing, shrinking, consumed, and lonely
to myself as a child, pigtails & smiles, shirtless and laughing

and all the ways
I was writing always
in my heartspace
in my bodyspace
in my mindspace

all the ways
I was writing always
on my hand, soft with youth
on my napkin, torn with use
on my pages inside all my many books

all the ways
I was writing always
in that lab, thick with rules
in those word docs, filled with clues
in countless emails, rhythmic with my pulse-ing

I honor her

I say yes to her

to all her nuanced thoughts
and layered emotion
her complex feeling
and experiential living
to all her curious wonder
insight and
awe
all of her honored
and honoring
I say yes to her
in ways I never allowed
in ways I never knew how
I honor her now
inside this moment
inside this glittering
gravitational fabric stretching wide

I say yes to me now
to myself now
in all the ways my womanhood
always invites and allows now
these new and ever-unfolding
ways of being human.

I write inside my notebooks in each and every room
as I did before on bits of paper all over the car
as I did when I was young in journals falling asleep in bed
like the days before the internet
and now waking up in texts to friends
I won’t be stopped now
No thing will stop me now
Not him, not her, not them,
not me, not me, not even me, now
not even I, now,
will stop this flooding
circuit inside her conduit
connecting every constellation within reach
to the grounding energetic vibration of my roots
not too much for me, not too much for me
not too much for me

Now

Photo by Horacio Lander on Pexels.com



Even More

A wise friend has said,
“Yoga is a fine fuel;”
it keeps us going,
sometimes for ages,
past our last practice.
Indeed, it is the repetition
of the little movements
and breaths of our days
that come back to us
when we’ve nothing left to give –
it is the cardinal’s red flash across
our back-porch window,
his flitting between the forsythia branches;
it is the plethora of our little boy’s
generous hugging, his loving squeeze
when we are happy, sad, angry, tired;
it is the unwavering “I love you” of our two-year-old,
the immediate “it’s ok” of our four-year-old;
the surprising “thanks for having me”of our nine-year-old.

All these things come back to us –
our hard work moving and breathing on the mat,
our constant glances through the window,
our cuddling through the night,
our speaking love through the day,
our effortful forgiveness at all hours,
our creation of enjoyable experiences –
and we are given
freedom of movement,
glimpses of beauty,
comforting touch,
words of love, forgiveness, gratitude.

But even more than all of this,
Divinity comes to us without
our effort –
for God loves us first
God chases us always
God never turns away
God always waits.

God in infinite humility
comes to us in person,
in Christ, in a Spirit
that reaches into our own
without our needing to lift a finger of effort

but to say “Yes.”

Sometimes saying yes
feels like mountain-moving.

Thank God he is God.
Thank God he is even more
All-Loving than I can understand.