I didn’t know I had a dog

Who’s dog is it?
It’s the family’s dog, I laughed.
Oh? Oh, okay. Well, that’s good.

Nine years later my heart heaved.

A few hours later the cardinal came,
and I stood staring out the kitchen window
broom and dustpan in my hands collecting all your hair.

and my heart heaved.

We lay on the floor with you
on the couch
on the floor
on the couch
on the floor with you all the hours of the end of your life

and I didn’t know
and I knew
and I didn’t know
and I knew it was the end
and my heart heaved
and I was scared.

And we all loved you in our own way
in your life and in your death
we all loved you and you were our family’s dog
for sure. But when it was your time and you breathed heavy and hard at the end

something changed in me.

Riding in the passenger seat, my stomach tight and my eyes swollen,
and my chest heaving, I spoke:
I guess she was my dog – and I didn’t know
and she was my dog and I didn’t know
and I didn’t know and
I
didn’t
know.

I was always yours.
And you knew.


Becoming

Becoming is
allowing the body to be a verb

to keep going
allowing everything to
flow and change
the way the earth does

to not only notice
shifts and swells
arising over time and space
but to touch them
allow them to be touched.

Bend and place your fingertips on the earth
your whole hand.

Do you feel that?
the pulsing.

Rise and place your palm on your chest
your whole heart.

Do you feel it?
the expanding and
contracting
the rhythm
and
rhythms.

Every moment becoming
ocean waves rising crashing sinking rising
flames flickering flashing smoldering flickering
wind pushing gusting blowing fading

every moment

new

and death too.