Found this and wanted to reshare. Life-giving pieces like this are so, so necessary, and are evidence of the communal and relational nature of Divine Flow. May blessings abound.
It is Advent
and I am cleaning out the desk.
I find expired coupons,
obsolete proofs of purchase,
useless how-to manuals.
Beneath unopened instructional cd’s
and old, unframed photos
a gem is gleaming and I open it:
“May Christ and all the angels linger long in September’s slanting light; gathering around your nebulous charity that once again said ‘yes’ to becoming the vessel for life and loving those who become;
May the days that seem impossible be few and fleeting. May the forgiving be creative! The Beauty Immense.”
These verses fall
out of the cardstock
and into my lap,
a precious gift,
a visible sign of invisible grace
carrying me through
another birth,
another recovery,
another disorienting,
treacherous leap into
motherhood,
God getting to me
through the careful crafting of words
and friendship,
his presence made manifest in love
shared and received
like the sacramentals of daily living, the bread…
This poem was written by a dear friend who decided our ideas were worthy of poetry. This is our organic, spontaneous, joyful collaboration. It spilled out of our connection, and she caught all the gems, arranging them with her time, effort, and energy, creating what you see below.
We had been talking & texting about life – the big existential kind of talking about life – and then a few weeks later she gave me a book, one of the most beautiful gifts I’ve received: Call Us What We Carry, a collection of poems by Amanda Gorman. When I opened the front cover I saw them – all of our words, and some new ones. She had collected our thoughts and organized them in verse. The beautiful fine-point black felt-tip ink of our words, written in her own hand, is stamped in my memory. My eyes filled up with tears when I realized what I was reading.
Who’s lucky enough to receive a gift such as this – this book, this poem – this friend?
December’s Eve
Instinct, motivation, necessity, purpose, meaning, fulfillment, nature, humanity, what was, what is, what’s to come, what we wish for, what we hope for, what we wished for, what we hoped for, what we forgive, what we allow, what we choose, what chooses us…
All these moments, one after the other…
What do we love, What do we love, What do we love?
This is the last in a four part series on Entering Into Divine Flow, the Loving, Creative Spirit-Energy of Existence. If you missed the previous posts, click here for Part I on Adaptability, here for Part II about The Divine Feminine, and here for Part III on Attuning.
Part IV: Being in Divine Flow
Everything is practice. I’m learning this. Over and over again.
What have you been learning the last few weeks during your exploration of Divine Flow?
What are your names for Divinity?
When you attune your senses to your surroundings and to yourself (both outer & inner), what do you notice?
When you attune your heart to Divinity, what sensations arise in your body?
What do you feel like when you feel connected to Divinity?
Why do you keep practicing?
(The answer to this is your intention, your sankalpa, your dharma, your heart’s desire, your vocation, your calling, your purpose – your reason for getting up each morning and moving through the moments of your life.
Dear Sweet Heart,
You are Divine. Divinity does not exist only outside of you. Divinity exists within you. And within me. And within that person neither of us likes very much. And even within that person you and I can’t stand to be around because what they say and do boggles our mind and makes our stomach hurt. Divinity flows through generations of our families, both yours and mine from the beginning of Time, and even through all those families who make us angry because we haven’t yet begun to understand their behavior.
When we experience Divinity within us, we are living Divinity. Our bodies are verbs within which we live our lives; we are embodied, and we are continually being our bodies. Our hearts & minds are verbs, too. We are continually flowing through thoughts and emotions as they arise, remain, and fade away. We notice them as sensations in our body. This is our felt sense of our lives, and it’s happening throughout every moment, throughout all of time.
We get to choose, most times, how we experience our living. Slowing down, noticing, attuning, and connecting helps us make the choices which will bring us into a vibrating aliveness that sometimes feels sparkly & magical, heavenly & blissful, and – yes – divine.
I have experienced heaven on earth. Have you?
Heaven on earth for me is when all things align for the good. For others it is the kingdom of God at your hand. For others it is stepping out of modern society and into nature for moments, days, weeks, or a life at a time. I experience heaven when in my awareness pain is less and beauty is more. When I can walk and laugh with the people I love the most while they’re also able to walk and laugh.
I have experienced hell on earth. Have you?
Hell on earth for me is when all things align for the death of ease, trust, and security for an extended and completely uncertain length of time – and most especially during which time I can not see any end. For others it is separation from Goodness. For others it is pain beyond the ability to laugh, walk, stand. sit, connect. I experience hell when in my awareness every single thing hurts beyond my capacity to sense goodness. And I hurt this way when I sense the same dissonance in the people I love the most, too.
Photo by ALS
Connection
Slowing down, noticing, & attuning allows me to listen deeply to myself and others. It is in this practice that I connect to my truest self – the self that exists without labels, roles, and duties. For me, some of those are: student, mother, change-maker, wife, friend, sister, teacher, writer, encourager, daughter, poet, seeker, lover, beloved.
Underneath the labels, roles, and duties, I am myself. I (just) Am.
Some of you know “I Am” as the name God offers for God’s Self.
This is your name, too. And it is the name of all those people and families neither of us understands.
I have experienced disconnection. Have you?
Disconnection for me feels like blocked energy, pressed down, compacted, congested/ There was flow, or could be flow, but it’s not happening. The possibility of flow makes the blockage worse. There are also sensations of pushing and pulling, which tell me I’m craving, longing and grasping. For others disconnection feels wavy with anger and confusion. For others it feels like stabbing, sharp jaggers of injustice. I’m going to guess that for all of us, disconnection feels like isolation. Isolation is hellish.
I have experienced connection. Have you?
Connection for me feels warm; it is firm-comfort from beneath & swaddled-ness from all around. For others connection feels like giggles, like floating, lightness, weightlessness. I’m going to guess that for all of us, connection feels like being seen and being heard. This is heavenly.
Photo by ALS
Connecting to myself has given me insight into what other people experience. This has allowed me to connect to others in ways I wouldn’t be able to if I didn’t spend time practicing. What I’m practicing is feeling my body’s sensational responses to my inner & outer surroundings, as well as to my own thoughts and emotions – and I’m getting to know what I really feel beneath all my labels, duties, and roles – what I feel at my core – at my I-Am-Ness. What I feel rather than what I think, Then I investigate what my feelings, sensations, and emotions are trying to tell me about what I value. And chances are, what I value as an embodied human being is the exact same thing you value: trust, safety, security, ease, peace, joy, and probably that thing we all call love, that beautiful mix of kindness, respect, generosity, gratitude, empathy, & compassion.
This way of being connects me to myself, my own divinity, and to you, and your own divinity.
It also connects me to all those people that annoy, irritate and frustrate me. And it connects me to all the people I want to move away from – literally, pack up my home and family and
move
away
from.
Being in Divine Flow is a way of being. It is less about the nature of Divine Flow and more about how I relate to the Loving, Creative, Spirit-Energy of the Universe,
Photo by ALS
Relationality
Many things happen in relationship: love, bliss, hurt, pain, trauma, resilience, nourishment. How people relate to one another is what creates community. We also experience all these things in relation to ourselves. For instance, there is my mind, my heart, my spirit, my body, and my own awareness that observes these aspects of my being. Relationship is happening all the time. Our own experience of relationship or relationality depends on our desire, willingness, skillfulness, and ability to connect to ourselves and others. This is why people say “be the change you want to see in the world,” and “creating peace within yourself is necessary before creating peace with others.”
Blocks
Some of us were never taught how to relate to ourselves or others. Some of us were not nurtured and did not learn through experience what healthy, loving relationship feels like and how it comes to be. Some connections weren’t formed in our early life, and we have to intentionally form them now.
For all of us, I think one of the biggest blocks to connection and relationality is pain and fear of pain. I know I put up blocks when I’m afraid of getting hurt, being betrayed, and not receiving the same kind of trust and care that I offer. The behaviors are mostly subconscious, but I know this now, after a lot of inner work and honest reflection.
Other blocks I have spent time with are perfectionism and control, which are fear of pain in other forms – the pain of “not enough-ness” and the possible pain that comes with uncertainty and the unknown, which could cause us harm. Of course, uncertainty and the unknown could also cause us great joy, but our biology and physiology are built to err on the side of less-risk-more-survival. This is possibly why some of us find ourselves working ridiculously hard at trying to control everything (and everyone?), subconsciously or otherwise.
Photo by ALS
Finding the Way Forward
I’ve had some amazing teachers over the years, One friend whom I consider my teacher shared with me her self-check when interactions between people are hard: “Am I kind? Can I be kind in this situation and still speak my truth?” Another teacher offered this self-check: “Will your words or actions drive connection or disconnection?” And still another teacher asked, “Do others have to be in full understanding and in agreement with you for you to act or speak rightly?”
When I’m confronted with especially challenging interpersonal situations, I will pause and ask myself some variation of these questions:
1) Am I intending to drive disconnection, or am I intending to move toward connection?
2) What do I need to do to be both honest & kind?
3) Can I speak and act rightly, even when others are not in complete understanding of my position, or in complete agreement with me?
If I don’t know the answers, I don’t speak.
Many things happen in relationship, and one of my greatest hopes is that I move toward connection and supportive community building. Being in Divine Flow helps me do this.
For Practice & Experience
To practice & experience being in Divine Flow, first take some quiet time to journal or draw your answers to any or all of these prompts that appear at the beginning of this post:
What have you been learning the last few weeks during your exploration of Divine Flow?
What are your names for Divinity?
When you attune your senses to your surroundings and to yourself (both outer & inner), what do you notice?
When you attune your heart to Divinity, what sensations arise in your body?
What do you feel like when you feel connected to Divinity?
Why do you keep practicing? (The answer to this is your intention, your sankalpa, your dharma, your heart’s desire, your vocation, your calling, your purpose – your reason for getting up each morning and moving through the moments of your life.
Then, over the next few days or week, pay close attention to how you relate to yourself and others. Are you able to pause and slow things down?
Second, if you like, journal or draw your responses to any or all of the prompts below, and notice what is revealed to you about yourself. Try to respond from your truest self, without all of your labels, roles, and duties.
What feels like heaven to you?
What feels like hell?
In what ways do you experience connection, and what does connection feel like for you?
In what ways do you experience disconnection, and what does disconnection feel like for you?
How does curiosity show up in your life? How do you feel when curiosity is your dominant quality?
In what ways are you honest about what you need and want? How does it feel to be honest with yourself and others?
Then, over the next few days or week, pay attention to the ways in which you step into and out of Divine Flow.
Notice the times you are aware of Divinity and the times when you realize you had not been.
Experiment with allowing life to unfold, rather than trying to wrangle each event into a super-specific, picture-perfect moment of amazingness. Try savoring the good in each experience, rather than wishing it was something else. It might be really difficult! It might be kinda okay! It could be easy…?
Start with just one 20 minute block of time. Allow 20 minutes to unfold and go with the flow. Then try an hour. Then 1/2 a day. Then a full day. Experience ease, allowing, and unfolding in small moments and in small ways. Feel what it’s like to be carried for a little while.
Bonus Practice:
Notice the ways in which Divinity is already present waiting for you. Notice any amount of longing to connect and be in community, to belong. What does it feel like to connect with yourself, with others, and with Divine Flow? .