Wired to Connect: An Introduction to Interpersonal Neurobiology & Why It Matters

This article defines the terms Interpersonal & Neurobiology to better understand how building relationships in the classroom, and in our personal lives, can have a profoundly positive impact not only on learning and job satisfaction, but on all of our social experiences. There’s even a bonus section on mirror neurons followed by takeaways and games to help you practice growing positive relationships.

Interpersonal Neurobiology

Interpersonal Neurobiology (IPNB) is both the well-spring and the continued blossoming of social-emotional learning (SEL) and relationships. It is the study of how the body & brain (central nervous system), the mind (perceptions, thoughts, and cognitive processing), and relationships influence our well-being (our felt sense of ease and joy).

Dr. Dan Siegel is the pioneer of IPNB, and describes it as an interdisciplinary approach to human health combining all branches of science into one perspective. He describes the term interpersonal as what’s occurring both between individual people and within each individual person. Dr. Siegel goes on to explain that “Inter” refers to the “between-ness” of our interactions with others, and “personal” refers to the “within-ness” of our own subjective experience – basically, all the things going on inside us like thoughts, body sensations, and emotions. We can think of the term interpersonal as “between us and within us.”

Neurobiology

Neurobiology is the study of our nervous system and how it functions. The autonomic nervous system (ANS) is made up of the brain and spinal cord (Central ANS), and the system of nerves that extend from the Central ANS throughout the entire body (Peripheral ANS). Both stress and relaxation affect our nervous system in different ways causing us to engage in different behaviors.

Two different nervous systems reacting in different ways.

Neurobiology And Behavior

One way we can talk about neurobiology is by recognizing the body-mind connection, or the way our body’s nervous system can affect brain function and thoughts in our mind, as well as how brain function and our thoughts can affect our nervous system. The body and brain are in constant conversation and can affect our thoughts, emotions, and our experience of life.

In Teaching with Mind and Heart, Graeme George, restorative education consultant, reminds us “we are all aware that thoughts can prompt emotional responses – some thoughts cause us to smile, others to react in fear” (11). For instance, thinking about a difficult task or situation that we are unprepared for can leave our chest feeling tight or our belly feeling squeamish, and we might label this feeling anxiety, nervousness, or distress.

Current research published by the National Center for Biotechnology Information even “suggests that different types of psychological stress can affect the composition of the [bacteria present in the digestive system]…[M]aternal separation…crowding, heat stress, and acoustic [or sound] stress all alter the composition of the [digestive system bacteria]*. In addition, a growing body of data suggests that the [bacteria] may be involved in controlling behaviors relevant to stress-related disorders.” The physical state of our body affects the cognitive state of our mind and our ability to make wise or supportive decisions.

Tired

Hungry & Tired

Another way of understanding the connection between neurobiology and behavior is by taking a look at two of our basic human needs, noticing the effect of hunger or fatigue on our nervous system state and our emotional state.

We’ve all experienced minor annoyances by the people with whom we live or work, and on most days we handle these irritations well. There are times, however, when we don’t get enough sleep or we miss a meal, and we find ourselves speaking harshly, lashing out, or have a greater emotional reaction than we would otherwise. Our bodies need nourishment and rest to live. This is why both hunger and fatigue are states of stress, indicating to the nervous system that it needs to move into a mode of ensuring our survival. Being hungry or tired activates the same brain regions and nervous system functions that are switched on when we are suffering work-related stress, in a physical fight or flight situation, or any set of circumstances, both acute and chronic, that make us feel like we are in “survival mode.” This is why “hangry” went from being a slang term to being included in the Oxford English Dictionary: Hangry – “bad-tempered or irritable as a result of hunger.”

There is a relationship between hunger and anger. Markham Heid, a writer for Time, shares what he learned from Dr. Brad Bushman, professor of psychology at [The] Ohio State University: “‘People commonly feel an uptick in anger or aggression when they’re hungry…. The brain needs fuel to regulate emotions, and anger is the emotion people have the most difficulty regulating.’” In addition to food as a way of fueling the brain, sleep also provides energy. When we are sleep-deprived, emotion-regulation and behavior-regulation are compromised.

Hungry

Interpersonal Relationships: We Are Wired to Connect

When we have this understanding of the relationship between our biology and our emotions and behaviors, it’s possible to think of interpersonal neurobiology as the work of noticing what’s going on with our own “body-mind” AND what’s going on with the body-mind connections of other people. Our neurobiology is constantly adjusting, adapting, and responding to the neurobiology of those around us. Our nervous systems both send out and receive cues about safety and connection.

Have you ever sensed a shift in the energy of a room when a particular person enters or leaves the space? Or have you sensed a shift when you first walk into a room that’s filled with other people who all notice your entrance? That’s the work of IPNB – noticing the effect our nervous systems have on our environment, on our students, and on our loved ones, and their effect on us.

This is why person-to-person relationships are so important in the work of IPNB, which we might even think of as the study of being human. Human beings are social creatures, with emotions, and each relationship we have impacts, affects, and changes us. We impact, affect, and change other people throughout every interaction we have. This is true from the earliest moments of our lives. Dr. Daniel Goleman, psychologist and author of Social Intelligence: The New Science of Human Relationships, points to neuroscience, the study of the nervous system, brain structure, and neural connections, to help us understand:

“Neuroscience has discovered that our brain’s very design makes it sociable, inexorably drawn into an intimate brain-to-brain linkup whenever we engage with another person. That neural bridge lets us affect the brain and the body of everyone we interact with just as they do us.”

“We are wired

to connect.”

Teamwork

IPNB In The Classroom

SEL and IPNB go hand in hand. Social-Emotional Learning and Interpersonal Neurobiology work together like this:

Social = Inter (the between-ness)
Emotional = Personal (the within-ness)
Social-Emotional = Interpersonal
Social-Emotional Learning = Interpersonal Neurobiology

In the school setting, whether digital or in person, the student-teacher relationship is an important piece of the learning environment. The more trust, ease, and mutual respect between teachers and students, the more access to the learning state of mind. When the “body-brain” connection of our students is activated by hunger, fatigue, distrust, and disrespect, it’s more difficult for them to access the limbic system and prefrontal cortex, both essential brain regions for learning, memory, and recall. The same is true for us as teachers. When our nervous systems are focused on acquiring what we need to survive, the primary needs of safety, food, and rest, there is no energy available to make connections, learn, recall, synthesize, and create with our students.

SEL gives us the raw tools and knowledge to understand our own emotional experience and body-mind connection. When we have this foundation, we can better understand the emotional experiences of others and harvest the fruits of empathy and compassion. IPNB provides the framework and wisdom to understand and benefit from our positive relationships and social interactions. We can observe, experience, and work with the effects of our nervous system on our students and theirs on us. When we, as teachers, walk into the classroom with a regulated and balanced “body-mind,” this directly affects the body-mind connections of our students. When we’re dysregulated, students’ nervous systems will sense this and respond similarly, often not realizing that this is happening. Fortunately, the same is true in the reverse. When we take up space with our students, with our body-mind balanced and at ease, the students will sense this and their body-mind is more likely to move toward a steady calm presence, as well.

Nervous Systems in the Classroom

IPNB In Your Life

When you have an awareness of your own nervous system state, you have a greater opportunity to choose thoughts, words, and actions that have a positive impact on your experience and the experience of your friends and family. You’ll also be able to tune into the nervous system states of those around you and offer support when appropriate. Mirror neurons are the brain cells that help us do this.

A mirror neuron is a brain cell that reacts when an action is performed, as well as when an action is observed. Examples of “mirror neurons doin’ their thing” are everywhere:

Have you ever witnessed a toddler after a surprising fall who begins to cry? When their caregiver smiles and offers a playful attitude, the toddler will often calm down and smile back. When their caregiver reacts to the fall with distress and fear, often the child will continue to cry.

Similarly, think back to when you were with a friend who was telling you a story. Did you notice that your facial expression might have changed in concert with your friend’s expression? When someone recounts a happy event, they smile and we smile. When they share a distressing story, often their smile will fall or their forehead will furrow, and our face will offer the same expression back to them sharing that we understand and acknowledge their experience. The same is true for our counterparts when we are the ones who are telling the story. This is the work of our mirror neurons. They help us connect to one another and make empathy and compassion possible.

Togetherness

Takeaways

To experiment with interpersonal neurobiology and mirror neurons, the next time you are working with a student, or spending time with a friend (in person or online) try this practice:

Pause to notice your body-mind connection (what’s going on within you).
Take a deep breath and notice any change in your system.
As you interact with the other person, notice the cues they are sending through their facial expression, body language,and tone of voice (what’s going on with them).
Pause again to notice how your body is responding to the signals you are receiving (what’s going on between you).
Notice: How does this awareness impact your experience? What do you notice about your sense of safety and connection? Their sense of safety and connection? Does this noticing give you the space to make wise decisions about what you will think, say, or do next?

Mirror Games

One way to experiment with IPNB & mirror neurons is through play. Try these games with your students, children, or even friends as a way to enhance understanding of social-emotional well-being:

What Am I Feeling?

Young students gain a better understanding of their emotions and the emotions of other people when playing “Guess What I’m Feeling.” To play, create the appearance of different emotions through facial expressions. (This still works with masks on, and can really help us make sense of facial expressions that we see from the eyes up.) Make a happy face, angry face, sleepy, or disgusted face and have the students guess what you are feeling each time. Go through as many different emotions as you like. Notice if any emotions have similar facial expressions and discuss this with your students. For instance, if sadness also looks like disappointment, how can you tell the difference? What other clues can you find in body language? Notice if your students end up making the same faces you do as they try to figure out which emotion you’re demonstrating. You can also have the students think of an emotion and be the leader.

Mirroring

This game strengthens students’ ability to pay close attention and to tune into the experience of others. Have students pair up, seated or standing, and take turns moving slowly and imitating each other. One child will slowly move their hands, arms, face, or head, and their partner will try to mirror them with the same slow movements at the same time. Encourage the student who is mirroring to stare at the center of their partner’s forehead as a point of focus, and use their peripheral (indirect) vision to notice the movements. Set a timer for 1 minute, then switch.

Bonus Benefit: Practicing with peripheral vision can enhance a sense of safety and allow students to move into the learning state of mind, accessing the limbic system and prefrontal cortex needed for receiving, storing, and recalling information.

*Bailey et al., 2011; De Palma et al., 2014; Moloney et al., 2014

Evolution

Evolution

Yoga is a practice of liberation. It’s sometimes described as a discipline of freedom in which you learn more and more what it means to be trapped and what it means to be liberated. It is a Wisdom Tradition that draws your own wisdom from the core of your body out through all your limbs, your hands and feet, your eyes, your crown, and covers you with it. Your own goodness, your own wholeness, your own choice to be the way you want to be in the world.

When lying in savasana (resting in corpse pose), I’d hear my dear teacher talk about contentment, our true nature. I thought I knew what she meant. So I began striving for contentment. This is hysterical! I see myself as having chased contentment so much that I literally chased it away the way one keeps driving a puppy farther on by running after it. (You know, you have to get the puppy to wanna chase you, then you run home.)

Hollowness, emptiness, obscurity, lack. That’s what’s left when contentment’s not around. But these non-feeling-feelings are vague and veiled, so sometimes they can seem like contentment. I’d say it to my own students, too, “Rest in contentment, your true nature.”

I had misgivings about this, about not being sure, exactly, what this true-nature-contentment thing was, so sometimes I wouldn’t say it. But I did know about the pause between breaths, that swirling spaciousness into which the exhale dissolves and from which the inhale arises. And so I’d invite my students to “Rest here, for as long as it lasts, and then enjoy the next breath whenever it comes along.”
This
felt
authentic.

20 years later

Authenticity
feels
full, warm, round.
Like a baby’s belly after just enough milk.

When my babes were growing into toddlers there was always a lot of talk about food. Meals, snacks, bites, feasts. Yoga is like this.

When my toddlers were growing into children, we talked about feeling full, stuffed, hungry, ravenous, and famished (never starving). I offered them “content” as a way of describing the sensation just shy of full. Did they feel (sense) they’d had enough to eat? What if we wait twenty minutes before having more? Did they feel content with what they had? Yoga is like this.

Memorial Day weekend of 2020 I was on my first ever silent retreat. My first ever silent retreat was fully online. So, not the experience I had anticipated, but one that was rich and layered with new ways relating and new ways of knowing. It was on that Saturday after listening to poetry, feeling it in my body, and understanding the ways metaphor (which is language itself) translates to sensation (through the motor and somatosensory cortex) that I realized I had been selling myself short. Or (and?) selling contentment short.

I began to understand that I had interpreted contentment as a neutral sensation, neither pleasant nor unpleasant. It seems I didn’t have a sense (a sensation) of contentment that resonated or vibrated in my body. Also, I had used the yogic practice of non-attachment as a way of trying to access contentment, and in so doing had separated it from sensation even further. In this way, contentment felt like nothing – no thing – there was no metaphorical/neural connection for me. When I thought or said the word contentment, neither my motor, nor my somatosensory cortex activated. My brain had nothing (no thing) to offer. There was not an embodied experience (a knowing) from which to draw meaning. No texture or temperature, no vision, aroma, flavor, or action. Basically, contentment was dead.

Enticing the Puppy

Have you ever felt a poem in your bones? Has your flesh ever vibrated with a knowing when your friend describes her experience to you? Has your body ever come alive as you describe your own experience to someone else? This happens because language touches the part of our brain that controls our senses and our movement. The only reason we know anything is because we have a body from which to draw meaning.

Through a series of contemplative inquiries, trauma-informed, resilience focused practices, and iRest yoga nidra meditation, I began to understand that contentment could hold really big things, like Ease, Security, and Safety. It was like a door had been opened, or the roof lifted off, and possibility entered in, lifting me like a cloud toward something even bigger – Joy.

I used to think, Joy? Who am I to feel joy? And then, Wait – why not joy? Why rest in contentment when I can rest in joy? Instead of coupling contentment with neutrality, non-attachment, non-touching, non-aliveness, I started connecting it with happiness, serenity, peace, tranquility, and even Bliss – full aliveness.

I began to turn away from striving, and instead began running home to my body. Contentment would follow me, like a puppy, and bring with her all the sensations of enlivenment like tingling, pulsating, vibrating, shimmering. This is Yoga.

A touching. A coming together. A joining. A yoking. A completeness. A coming home. All of this inside me, coming to life.

The practice of contentment is one of non-grasping. It is deep below the surface where the waves do not disturb it. That’s how this all works. Have the experience of bliss and remain equanimous when bliss passes. Have the experience of spaciousness and remain at ease when spaciousness fades. Have the experience of peace and remain serene when peace dissipates. The depth of the ocean is content to remain in cold darkness, unmoved by the weather so far above.

The Evolution of Practice

Dear one, in the depth of your being be content to rest in joy, your true nature, unmoved by the circumstances of your life. Allow yourself to be breathed by the lifeforce of the universe. Feel the birth of the inhalation and the death of the exhalation. Allow yourself to rest in the spacious joyfulness between breaths where death dissolves and life begins.

Can you feel how big you are? Can you feel light radiating from you? Can you feel it in your blood? Your bones? Your skin? How you are touching Love and Love is touching you? How you are the ocean, how you are Love?

Take small bites. (Three little breaths.)

Nibble. (Have a few cat/cows.)

Just have a snack. (One goooooood sun salute.)

Eat just enough. (Two and a half minutes?)

Sense when you are content. (Relaxation.)

Feel when you are full. (Om.)

Get used to the idea
of being
such an amazing thing
as Joy,
and feast
when it is feasting time.

Contentment is big enough

And so are you.

Making Space for Presence

This post explores the science of emotions, the research on social aspects of teaching, as well as the work of embodiment and how it can support us in moments of difficulty or overwhelm. At the end you’ll find an offering to create space for empathy & compassion for yourself & others.

Emotions
Dr. Eve Ekman is a contemplative social scientist and teacher in the field of emotional awareness and burnout prevention. She defines emotion as “a process that is triggered in 1/25 of a second, lasts only about 30 – 90 seconds, and helps us respond to important challenges.” Emotions get our attention and remind us of our values. Being aware of our emotions allows us to acknowledge them without criticism and make wise choices about our role in what comes next.

Community
Community spaces are filled with people, and as such are filled with emotions, as well as lots of triggers! This is just as true for digital interactive spaces as it is for in-person events. Whether you’re a leader, participant, student, teacher, parent, child, or all of these and more, spending hours each day in social environments creates an opportunity for emotional exhaustion.

Research in education shows that practicing mindful awareness can help decrease burnout and increase an overall sense of well-being. Because this is true in K-12 learning environments, we can reasonably extend these findings to include a variety of other group settings, such as professional and corporate offices, fitness centers, child care facilities, nursing homes, hospitals, and community events – basically, anywhere there are facilitators and participants, anywhere there are people(!)

“Practicing Presence
is the
Seed of Empathy.“

Compassion
Practicing Presence within community requires a certain amount of non-reactivity. Being able to notice and observe our own emotions allows for a space between what activates us (or triggers us) and our next thought, word, or action. The space allows us to respond skillfully rather than react choicelessly. It also creates pathways to take care of our own needs in the moment. This practicing awareness of our emotional process gives us insight into the experience of others, precisely because all of us are human. Happily, that new information we gain inside that moment of presence increases the likelihood that we can, and will, envision ourselves in someone else’s situation.

These are the seeds of empathy.

Empathy leads to another key aspect of mindful awareness, the active partner of non-judgement: compassion. What’s great about compassion is that it’s for everyone, including yourself, and it can really help guide challenging conversations and all manner of interactions.

Compassion allows us to see our life-partner, who is “letting the housework go” and seemingly choosing to not asking us about our day or our needs, as a beautiful human being who is fatigued and out of resources – not just someone who doesn’t care. Compassion also allows us to see the student melting down in front of us as another human, just like us, in need of support. Compassion can even bring us to a new perspective on the behaviors of our co-workers, family and community members, as well as complete strangers (and even people we might classify as the manifestation of enmity and animus – our enemy).

Everyone is a human being – just like us. This fact is an excellent reminder that, perhaps most amazingly, self-compassion allows us to see our own selves as deserving of gentleness, acceptance, and encouragement, too ~the hallmarks of empathy.

SPACE
We experience emotions on a broad spectrum. There’s a wide range of ways we can know anger, fear, disgust, sadness, and enjoyment. And knowing that the initial emotional reaction only lasts 30 -90 seconds, it benefits us to wait it out, seeing if it subsides or changes before we say the thing we really want to say (that thing we feel absolutely justified in saying). The magic in this moment is patience. And one support for practicing patience is to go ahead do something.

Here’s an embodiment practice for that. I call it SPACE because I love talking about, thinking about, and accessing spaciousness as a pathway to loving and being loved. It’s a way of being present in my body that allows me both to notice and observe my emotions, as well as wait for them to change or subside before I choose my next thought, word, or action.

S – settle
P – pause
A – abide
C – center
E – expand

Basically, SPACE creates space. And space allows for compassion.

First, I settle into my body by feeling my feet and noticing gravity.
I pause and breathe.
I abide in the present moment. (Rest.)
I find my center.
And then I expand from there – breathing in and growing my ribcage in all directions.

By expanding, I’m creating physical space inside my body, bringing about sensations associated with happiness, freedom, and joy. I’m also creating intangible space between what is said and done, and what is understood and experienced. No one knows I’m doing this. I can settle, pause, abide, center, and expand while I am listening to another person speak or while I’m experiencing their actions. This embodied work allows me to feel grounded and gives me the space to choose what I will say and do, as well as what I will not say and what I won’t do.

KEEPING ON

Continue practicing awareness.
Keep non-reactively observing.
Carry on with feeling your body and making space.

If nothing else, the next time you notice a strong emotional reaction, let that be your cue to press and settle into your feet and expand from your center. The breath will happen. You will pause and abide, and you just might find yourself and others surrounded by the spaciousness of compassion.

Your Practice

While you are moving through your unique morning ritual, practicing asana, concentration, or meditation, consider practicing spaciousness:

Settle into your body by feeling your feet and noticing gravity
Pause and breathe
Abide in the present moment
Center yourself
Expand and grow your spacious heart

Then, take this wisdom with you, out of your practice space and into the world!

(You don’t have to have a ritual that seems fancy or mysterious. Rituals can be practical! You can practice SPACE quite effectively, and beautifully, while you are brushing your teeth or enjoying a shower.)

With Love, Empathy, Compassion, & All Things Spacious

Amy

Universal Yogi

Photos credits: Photo by Maria Lindsey Content Creator on Pexels.com, Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com, Photo by Kevin Blanzy on Pexels.com